P1
I haven’t been on tumblr in awhile since things became better for me. I’m really bored tonight and thatt’s rare because usually I’d be working right now or sleeping because I’d be tired from working earlier today but I had the day off and I had a picnic in the park with my high school friends. My parents went furniture shopping and I stayed in all evening/night. I was just on my friends tumblr and she made me want to blog about my feelings on what’s going on in my life at this point. I am pretty content with how my life is going. On Cinco De Mayo, I finally got the iPhone that I had been wanting for months. My year at SUNY Old Westbury ended and I couldn’t be happier. Although I met some great people who I will cherish for life, that college wasn’t what I was expected at all and it was a huge letdown. I’m transferring to UAlbany for the fall semester and I couldn’t be more ecstatic! Especially since one of my really good friends is transferring there too! I also know people who go to UAlbany so I don’t feel alone. I feel confident about going to UAlbany because it has a bigger campus, it has more people (which means more variety in guys) and just more opportunities for activities and fun. My other college didn’t have that at all. Since half of the school consisted of commuter students, there really weren’t many activities for people who lived on campus and it was horrible. Every single weekend was boring and most “parties” were shut down by UP by 2am. L-A-M-E. UAlbany is a huge party school so I’m sure I’ll have better luck with parties (that’s not the reason why I’m choosing this college to transfer to). It’s just one of the many benefits of going there. Oh and also, FREE LAUNDRY!:) I can’t wait to have the college experience that many of my friends had during their first year. I will miss Old Westbury because of the select few people who made me happy, the professors who I actually learned from and I’m also going to miss commuting from there to my grandmothers house in Brooklyn everyday. I loved that I was able to spend more time with her. Just being around her makes me very happy. Plus the city is my home so being in it 24/7 definitely made the second semester more tolerable.
P2
Now that I’m home, I’m back working at my job (McDonald’s) more days during the week. I’ve been working there for 4 years come this Memorial Day week and I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m still a crew member and it gets me really upset when other people who don’t work as hard as I do get higher positions. Two people who are also my friends became managers. One of them deserves it 100%. She works hard just like I do. I don’t feel like the other one deserves it at all, especially since she was thought to be stealing money with a manager before he got caught and fired. They never investigated her for stealing money too. Nobody has proof that she did but if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it’s a fucking duck. She did. Everybody at work thinks it (including other managers), I’m saying it. It was obvious. Her becoming a manager and other people becoming crew trainers really gets me mad. I felt like I got slapped in the face repeatedly. I work very hard, I come in early when they need me, I stay late almost every shift, I come in on my days off when they’re desperate and I always go the extra mile when many others don’t. I deserve a lot more than what my job gives me. I asked my friends for advice on what I should do and many said that I should just find a better job. That sounds ideal but the problem is, what job is going to hire me if I’m going away to school in a few months? Also, what job is going to let me come back and work during breaks or just any random weekend I’m home from school? Although there are many downsides to McDonald’s, they are nice enough to allow people to come back from college and work over breaks and even if you’re just home for a few days. I’m definitely going to want to make money any chance I get because college makes you go broke fast and I’m going to need money to live on while I’m in school. I could ask my parents for funds but I like having my own money. I’ve been working and making my own money since I was 14 years old. The feeling of earning your own paycheck and spending your own money on the things you want is a feeling like no other. Nobody can tell you what to do with your money. I want to continue to be able to earn my own money and McDonald’s seems to be the only way at the moment. I talked to some managers about how I felt and they said if I take a test, I can become a crew trainer by June. It’s nice that they see I deserve it but my point is, they should have realized that LONG LONG AGO.
P3
Besides my job, my life is good. Most of friends are home from college and I’m slowly getting to see each of them. Some of them are going away throughout the summer doing various things and going to various places. Even though it makes me sad that they won’t be home, as long as they’re happy doing whatever it is they’re doing, I’m happy for them. I still have other friends who I can spend time with and since I plan on working a lot so I can save up as much money as I can before going off to college, I’m sure I won’t be bored during any part of the summer. My happiness level is high right now. Not necessarily because of what’s going on right now, but because I’m so grateful that I’m much happier now than I was this time last year. I was a complete mess last year. My close friends know why, I hate revisiting the topic so I won’t. Guys are stupid, I’ll leave it at that. I’m happy that during last summer and my first year of college, I learned many lessons that help me think smarter when it comes to guys. Right now, I think I like someone, “I think”. If I were to give the background story about me and him, you’d think that I was in love. But I’m not. I won’t allow myself to develop deep feelings for this person. If something isn’t plausible, why think and act as if it is? That’s how you get hurt. Expecting things to happen that just aren’t going to happen. I don’t expect anything anymore. I just take everything one day at a time and I try not to think about things a lot. Yes, I’ll admit he’s the last person on my mind before I go to sleep, but I know what our situation is and I know to go about my business without thinking “what if?”. I’m living better this way, caring less and thinking more about myself. My friend says that her problem is that she’s self centered and she thinks about herself too much. I wish that was my problem. I don’t think about myself enough. I put everybody before myself and it’s just not healthy anymore. That goes with feelings and emotions which I’m trying to sort out. I hope that living on campus once again will help me become more focused on myself and less on others. It may sound selfish but at the end of the day, nobody is going to worry about you except for yourself. I know I have my parents and loved ones who are concerned for me but I’m the only person who can worry about what’s going on in my head.
(Source: lneighbour)
